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Impostor Syndrome is Just Another Variation of Shame
Impostor syndrome is the belief many of us hold that we aren't actually as capable or smart as others think we are, no matter how much evidence there is that we're successfully navigating our professional and personal lives.
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Shame becomes fear. Fear leads to risk aversion. Risk aversion kills innovation. - Peter Sheahan
What Impostor Syndrome Looks Like
Impostor syndrome isn’t a diagnosis or a medical problem but a pattern of thinking that can lead to self-doubt, negative self-talk, and missed opportunities. According to the Journal of General Internal Medicine, more than eight out of every ten people experience impostor syndrome.
At work, you may attribute your accomplishments to luck rather than your own abilities, which may be holding you back from asking for a raise or applying for a promotion. You may also think that the only way to achieve the high standards you've set is by overworking yourself to the point of burnout.
At home and in relationships, you may feel unworthy of the affection you receive from a partner or friends, and you may live in fear of anyone you're close to discovering you're not as great as they think you are.
Impostor Syndrome is Just Another Variation of Shame
What I've learned is that impostor syndrome is just another variation of shame. Impostor syndrome is the fear that what you produce isn't good enough in the eyes of others, and shame comes from believing that the results we get are indicative of our self-worth.
You are hardwired for connection and a sense of belonging. Shame is the fear that something you've done or failed to do makes you unworthy of that connection. Therefore, shame ultimately boils down to the fear of disconnection.
We often want to believe that shame is only for those who have survived something terrible, but in reality, it is something we all experience because it is one of the most primitive human emotions.
Most of us are afraid to talk about our shame. But the less we do, the more control it has over us. The power of shame is rooted in being unspeakable; that's why so many of us are drawn to perfectionism, which functions to keep us quiet.
We have this inherent belief that if we just do everything perfectly, nobody can judge us. The problem with this mindset is that it shifts your focus from being effective to caring about what others think, and just like shame, this results in disconnection.
The Solution to Impostor Syndrome Is Exposing It
The solution to impostor syndrome is exposing it. If the root cause of impostor syndrome is shame, and shame derives its power from being unspeakable, then it follows that opening up about your feelings to the right people will take its power away.
First, let go of perfectionism because seeking to be perfect will ultimately only demotivate you. Setting unattainable standards will make you feel perpetually inadequate, and you'll miss out on the rewarding feeling of accomplishment.
Perfectionism also drives a wedge between yourself and others. People may not want to work with you because they sense your impossibly high expectations and want to avoid the extra work you inflict on them.
Remember that comparison is to shame what gasoline is to an engine. Focus on your own results rather than comparing them to those of others. There is nothing to be achieved by comparison; it won't make you feel better in the short or long term, and it will only focus your attention on whatever it is you think you lack.
You can't prevent your mind from creating stories, but you can ground yourself in the facts. Observe your feelings and ask yourself if the thoughts you are having are valid and factual. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true.
You can either fall for the illusion of perfection, or you can accept that perfect is the enemy of good enough and open up about your struggles to people who have likely struggled with the same thing. Find someone you trust, like a family member, mentor, friend, or significant other, and you will probably be surprised by how common the feelings you're having are.
If you decide to talk about your shame, you will be in a place where you are able to say, "I feel weak, but recognition and approval aren't what I'm after. I am driven to create results, and this experience will only teach me how to do so better".